The Weekly Weep

Stories, reviews, and more from me and the rest of the Read it and Weep crew.

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Romancing The Swan

Released: 07/21/17

As a culture we're really good at white-washing history. We love talking about the ancient Greeks inventing math and democracy, but nobody ever talks about the time Zeus turned himself into a swan and fucked a lady.

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Here, Let Me Ruin That For You

Released: 07/21/17

Finding out I believed something false is a lot like smelling something foul. My first reaction is to make somebody else do it. So recently when I came across this soul-crushing list of "Common Misconceptions" on Wikipedia, I just had to share. Allow me to ruin these five fun "facts" you used to know.

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Pros & Cons of Vaccination

Released: 07/06/17

I'm very pro vaccines. Or another way to put that, I'm anti-polio.

Maybe you're not worried about polio because it seems so far off. I get it, it sounds like one of those old-timey illnesses you couldn't possibly get now, like if doctors wanted to immunize you against Trench Foot or King's Rot or Charizards. But the reason it sounds old timey is because we beat it. With vaccines. We wiped out polio like we did with wild buffalo. People are amazing.

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The Portland Mercury

I'm blog and write occassional cover stories for the legendary alt-weekly The Portland Mercury. Once, a post I wrote was quoted in Rolling Stone.

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Alex Falcone's Things Not Invited Back in 2017

Released: 01/04/17

The Annual List of Things from 2016 that Were Just "No"

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Things Not Invited Back in 2016 | General | Portland Mercury

Released: 01/01/16

2015 WAS SUCH a memorable year. 365 days, back to back. All full of stuff and things. Goings-on. Shenanigans. Oh, and there was that one moment! Wow. What a moment.

Okay, fine. I'm not great at positivity. The negative stuff, on the other hand, I can really get behind that.

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How to Live Like a Baller in Portland (Even If You're Not Rich)

Released: 11/11/15

I ALWAYS ASSUMED I'd make my first million by 30. I put that goal out into the Universe over and over again, but either The Secret is total bullshit, or the Universe has been on vacation and forgot to create an out-of-office email reply. So here I am, in my golden years (early 30s), and my net worth is about a million dollars short of a million dollars.

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Guest Posts

Sometimes I write things on other websites. People are much more likely to read them that way.

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Top 11 Ways I Almost Died in 2014

Released: 01/07/15

For their annual List Issue, literary magazine Neutrons/Protrons invited me to share something important about the last year. I choose this nail-biter: my risky behavior.

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The Recently Discovered First Draft of Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken'

Released: 12/03/14

This is a really weird thing I wrote. But I like it.

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Falcone on Film

I write a column about movies for the Willamette Week. Apparently I agree with the Rotten Tomatoes critic average 74% of the time.

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Six First-Persons I'd Rather Be In Than Hardcore Henry

Released: 04/06/16

Hardcore Henry is a first-person shooter made into a feature-length movie, filmed almost entirely by a GoPro strapped to director Ilya Naishuller's face. It's an interesting, if nauseating, concept. But of all the point-of-view shots in film history, why is one from the head of a mute, murderous cyborg running almost plotlessly around Russia the one that was stretched to a full 90 minutes? Instead, I'd rather live in one of these characters for a brief moment.

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A Field Guide to the Many Hanks William

Released: 03/30/16

It's not a spoiler to say Hank Williams dies in his bio pic, since he was a real person and it happened in 1953. But I was a little surprised because I mistakenly believed the movie was about the Hank Williams who is still alive and making music. I'm sure you're not dumb like me, but just in case, here's a field guide to all the Hanks William out there.

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Batman and Superman V Good Taste

Released: 03/27/16

Batman and Superman are fighting and somehow I feel like I'm losing.

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Shows In Different Area Codes

My personal blog, mostly about life on the road doing comedy.

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Photo 07/18/17

Portland’s best Wednesday comedy show is now on Thursdays (and yet retains the title). Catch us 8pm at @ford_food_and_drink starting this week! — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2uAP42P

Photo 07/15/17

Somebody’s religious aunt decorated this Green room. #comedy #showsindifferentareacodes — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2uoL19E

Photo 07/07/17

Must have a pretty chill protest. — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2uAYatS

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